On Strike or Kicked Out?

This article by Dr. Helen Smith has been bugging me for a week since I read it.  She includes a letter written by a frustrated man in regards to dating:

I’m very similar to the men you talk about in your writings. I’m 46 years old, never married, no children. When people ask me about getting married I always give some glib answer about free milk and a cow or buying a house for a woman I hate. But it’s an excuse. I’m not boycotting marriage. A “boycott” is something voluntary. I will likely never get married because no woman will ever have me.

I’m not movie star handsome but I’m certainly not ugly. I work out regularly and am in pretty good shape. I have multiple college degrees. I own my own car and house. I have a full head of hair and teeth. I have no criminal record or STDs.

I think I’m decent relationship material. The women of America don’t seem to agree. It’s been almost 10 years since my last date. My lack of a romantic life isn’t for lack of trying, but no matter what I do I am rejected by women. I can’t even begin to express my frustration, confusion and loneliness to you, but that’s not why I wrote. Might there be a lot of men in my situation? I hear women complain “there are no good ones left”. I guess I’m not a “good one”. There might be a lot of decent guys that aren’t considered “good ones” by women.

Her responce to the letter is very insightful towards the writer's frustration

Yes, I do think women’s expectations are different now. It used to be that if a man was a decent guy, he could usually find a wife if he wanted to. Part of this, I think, is that women were expected to marry, now they are not and told that they are fine alone. Add to this the media, culture and educational system that tells them they don’t need men and the standards are high, especially for highly educated women. There seem to be different groups within the “men on strike” group. Those men who feel that they can’t compete and have simply bailed out, those who can compete but don’t want to marry because of the lack of incentives to do so such as loss of freedom, high expectations, and legal aspects of marriage and even those in-between who are simply sick of the whole system and living on their own terms. I do think that men who have been rejected over and over have simply gone on strike and no longer try at times.

I wouldn’t call them losers though. I would say that the dynamics and expectations for women have changed –and given women’s tendency to hypergamy, many men now do not measure up when they did so in the past.

Hypergamy reminds me of an article a few weeks ago about former supermodel Elle MacPherson getting married again. Her current husband is a billionaire, her former lover and father of her two children is a french multimillionaire. 

I do think that women's expectations haven't changed as much as have been skewed to almost unrealistic levels.  Based on the experiences of some male colleagues as well as my own,  it seems like most women have become gold digging snobs.  Being a good guy who earns a solid middle class living is not enough.  You are expected to provide a lifestyle that competes with the celebrity/faux celebrity set, like Kim Kardashian.